It Matters to Me
by Blue Angel 1245
Summary: Can Botan convince Hiei that it matters to her when he ignores her and is mean? Set to Faith Hill's song "It Matters to Me"


When listening to this song I really could see it as a Hiei/Botan song.

**It Matters to Me**-By Faith Hill. I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho and It Matters to me go to their respective owners.

Botan stared out her living room window and let out a small, sad sigh. The radio played softly in the background; her attempt to get her mind off of him. Slow music sounded over the speakers and Botan couldn't help but think of the irony of the words to the song. Here she was wondering the exact thing the song said. She started thinking of the beginning.

**Baby tell me where'd you ever learn  
To fight without sayin' a word**

_Six months before_

"Hiei come down!" she called up to the silent moody demon in the tree.

"What baka onna?" was his annoyed response. His eyes were cold and unemotional as he watched her flinch at his nickname for her.

"Yukina said…" were the only words out of her mouth before Hiei had jumped down and had her thrown up against the tree. His eyes bore holes into her and his eyes were very very angry. It wasn't hard to guess what he was thinking. His sister, even in passing or referring to something she said was off limits to the demon. It was well known that he didn't like to have her brought up into conversation. Even if he did stay near the temple to watch over her as she went about her day. Hiei never said a word; he just started at Botan with angry eyes. She blinked and he was gone leaving her up against the tree with a thundering heart and tears in her eyes. All she was going to do was tell him dinner was done and Yukina had said for her to tell him.

**Waltz back into my life  
Like it's all gonna be alright  
Don't you know how much it hurts**

After dinner Botan had gone back to her apartment and was in her room brushing her hair in preparation for bed. She heard a soft tap on her window and turned to see Hiei.

"Hn, Onna" was all he said as he watched her. It was his way of apologizing and she knew it as she opened her window wider to let him enter the room. They had spent a few hours talking, well Botan talked and Hiei just listened with an occasional 'Hn' of agreement. After a few months a friendship formed and that friendship turned to something more for the pair when one night Botan kissed Hiei and he accepted it.

**When we don't talk  
When we don't touch  
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love  
It matters to me**

_present_

Botan remembered earlier that day when the group had hung out for the first time in months. There had been no new threats so they had not seen each other for a while.

_Earlier_

Hiei had been sitting on the window sill and was watching Kuwabara make a fool of himself over his sister. He had ignored Botan for most part and was his cold, emotionless self. He called her a baka onna and glared at her as if they weren't friends, let alone lovers and she felt her heart break as he glared at her. She looked at him confused and unsure of what to do or say. What was wrong with him? It was like it didn't matter to him that he was hurting her so long as no one else knew he was weak and had fallen for the deity. It mattered to her. It mattered to her a lot.

**When I don't know what to say  
Don't know what to do  
Don't know if it really even matters to you  
How can I make you see,  
It matters to me**

As she flew home from the gathering she cried. She just didn't understand what was wrong with him. Why did he act that way? Didn't he love her? Weren't they in love? It sure hadn't felt like it. He hadn't said a word to her about their relationship being a secret. That the other couldn't know. He had even called her a baka onna! That had hurt, a lot. Does he really love me? Is he just playing with her? She thought as she landed outside her apartment building. How could he do this? Love her one minute and act as if they weren't even friends around others. She wasn't strong enough. She couldn't love this way it was too hard. She had never been one to hide emotions and feelings. She had felt so disconnected from him, like there was a huge gap between them. He was so far from her that she didn't even see the demon she loved.

She bit her lip to quiet her sobs as she walked through the halls to her apartment. The inside was cold and dark. He hadn't come home. He was still out and about somewhere and she didn't know where he was or even if he was going to come home. Where was he?

**Baby I still don't understand  
The distance between a woman and a man  
So tell me how far it is  
And how you can love like this  
'Cause I'm not sure I can**

_Present_

Botan jumped a little when she heard the balcony door open. She quickly brought her hand to her eyes to wipe away the still falling tears.  
"Botan" was all Hiei said when he saw her standing in the middle of the living room. Then he heard the song on the radio and saw Botan's tear streaked face.

"You've been crying." He said bluntly. She just nodded watching him as he moved to stand in front of her. He reached up and wiped a stray tear away.

"Why?" at his question she sighed and searched for the words to make him understand. She turned to the song for help.

**When we don't talk  
When we don't touch  
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love  
It matters to me  
When I don't know what to say  
Don't know what to do  
Don't know if it really even matters to you How can I make you see  
It matters to me**

"Does it matter Hiei? Are we in love? Don't you love me? I don't know what you want from me. Can't you see that it matters to me? That I love you and don't want to hide it? Are you that ashamed of our relationship that you'd rather ignore me and hate me in front of others then love me and be happy? It matters to me when you don't want to talk to me and don't want to touch me. When you don't show your true self to me and chose to put on an act just to save face in front of our friends. It matters to me." She was crying again and Hiei felt his heart clinch with guilt over his actions.

"Of course it matters to me. I love you and want to be able to show it, but I couldn't. Something was holding me back and I have to admit I think it was fear. It matters to me that you cry and that you are hurt by what I did. It wasn't my intention to hurt you." His voice was quiet as he talked and Botan felt herself calm a little.

"Didn't think it would hurt me? When you ignore me? When you pull away from me and call me baka onna? Yes it does hurt me and I didn't know what I had done wrong for you to pull away from me like that." Another tear slid down her cheek.

**Oh and I don't know what to say  
Don't know what to do  
Don't know if it really even matters to you  
How can I make you see  
Oh It matters to me**

"Botan, forgive me for hurting you. I'll try to show my affection for you more around others. I know that you deserve more than my actions tonight. I'll try my hardest Botan, but it may be slow at first." He said reaching up to wipe her tears again.

"That's all I ask is that you try. You should have told me how you were going to act. At least I would have known." She leaned into his hand as he cupped the side of her face bring her closer for a soft kiss as he brought his arms up to hug her.

**Oh it matters to me**

It matters to me

There you go. Another Botan/Hiei story. Hope you guys all like it. Please leave a review and let me know what you think.


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